


I'll Be Your Sky

by TalkingtotheSea



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Detroit, Hasetsu, M/M, Orchestra, Pianist Yuuri, Shooting Stars, Slow Burn, St. Petersburg, Stars AU, book nerd Victor, starless nights, they both play the violin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-09-15 23:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9262199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkingtotheSea/pseuds/TalkingtotheSea
Summary: “Victor,” the sky had no boundaries, and yet it was different. That night was different from all the many dark blue sights he had seen – it was full of stars. “The stars are all over the sky tonight.” Victor was lying next to him, looking up at the same freckled night. He then chanced a look at Yuuri and it was breathtaking, Yuuri’s beauty was simply breathtaking.“They love us,” he let out an overwhelmed laugh. “They really do.”





	1. Since the Beginning of Everything

_"I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything._  
_Maybe we’re from the same star." - Emery Allen_

* * *

 

**December 14 th** **, 2002**

**4 am**

 

“Mom!”

The scream pierced through his lungs like the desperate call it was. Not even the small worried whimpers from Vicchan could calm the fearful tears running down his still chubby cheeks. The night was still going on around him like everything that happened didn’t affected it, the clock still ticked down the seconds for the morning and his body shook with every tick and every tock.  “Mom!” the need in his voice made an excuse for him to scream louder from his side of the inn, four in the morning is still too early. The invisible hands choked him, fear runs through his arteries and it freezes him with an overwhelming memory of the long haired boy in his dreams.

Yuuri shivered remembering his dream, the cold from outside his room slipping in, taking away the warmth from the sun in his dream. Even with St. Petersburg's cold weather, his dreams always seemed to be filled with warmth. A warmth that swept over him, overwhelming at times, mostly this time. “Mom!” He raised his voice, it cracked but it didn’t matter, it all was too overwhelming. Did he really dream that? It was too real, the laughter, the touches, the tingly small pain after grabbing a rose. The only thing that could make him think otherwise is that Vicchan was too big and less reddish. 

“Mom!” He couldn’t move, frozen with the memory of a long haired boy. He had had dreams like this before. Dreams that made him smile the next day or made him worry when his dreamland friend suddenly disappeared. Dreams where he walked down the streets with this boy and his extra-large version of Vicchan. 

“Yuuri? Is everything okay?” His mother’s soft voice told him this moment was real, he had never left his room during his sleep.

_But he was there._

He wasn’t wandering in a garden full of _blue_ roses.  

_He was there, he was there, he was there._

“Yuuri,” Hiroko sat on her kid’s bed and examined his terrified face. The worry could be sensed in her soft voice. It comforted Yuuri nonetheless. It always worked. Ever since he started remembering the dreams, ever since he could put into words the world his mind created at night – Hiroko would calm him down, his mother’s hug would put him at easy and the smile she gave him would comfort him. “You’re here, it’s not real,” He knew it all wasn’t real but the feeling was puzzling for him, building up like bile in his throat. Yuuri then felt his mother’s arms around him. Warmth enveloping him again and again like the winter sun in his dream.   

_That’s a blue rose, my favourite._

_There’s no such thing as a blue rose, I think?_  

 _It is blue, right?_  

_Right._

_Then it’s a_ real _blue rose._  

“-ri, Yuuri” the softness and tender voice from his mother couldn’t compare to the one in his dreams. As much as it calmed him down, Yuuri couldn’t deny his mother’s voice lacked the many twirls and turns the boy’s had in his dream. It was comforting, yes, but the boy made his voice work; making Yuuri’s world stop and calm down. The long haired boy was talking about the flowers in the garden in front of them. Yuuri recalled that this boy had specifically said he would like to gift him his favourite flower, a blue rose. 

 _A blue rose._  

He jumped out of the comforting hug his mother was giving him and went into a silent quest, his memory catching up to the events in his sleep, for the blue rose he had in his hands before waking up. “Yuuri?” His mother questioned his frantic search around the bed. “Is something wrong?” 

“I had a blue rose, hadn’t I?” He whispered more to himself than to his mom and she frowned looking around his room. “I think I had one,” he whispered again. 

“This one?” He didn’t feel his mother’s movements as he looked under the covers of his bed. He didn’t feel the lift of his mother’s weight from his bed, didn’t hear the soft thud her knees made while touching the floor nor the rustling that came from under his bed. He kept frantically looking for the rose he had probably been left in his bed or his imagination.  She had somehow managed to calmly find it, showing it to him once she emerged from under the bed with an origami rose and a box tucked under her arm. “You made this origami when you were younger,” she placed the beautiful origami rose in his hands. “It was in the box under your bed,” she laughed a bit, remembering the cute scene from some years ago. “You made one for me, but you said someone gave this to you, I thought maybe Yuko-chan gave you this.” Yuuri blushed furiously. He doesn’t remember exactly, but from the looks of it, it wasn’t Yu-chan, it probably was long-haired boy. 

The boy that appeared in his dreams. 

This boy once said he was Russian. He had the most alluring blue eyes Yuuri has ever seen in his ten years of age. Long silver hair cascaded from his half pony tail or the braid he usually had. Laughter that erupted in a child-like way, curiosity still present in his voice. The boy from dreamland was a creation that still captured Yuuri’s attention, has always captured it.

“It’s time for you to sleep, Yuuri.” He looked at his mother distracted, still thinking about the dreamy garden in dreamy St. Petersburg. He reacted when Hiroko leaned near him to give him a hug that scared monsters away. Yuuri noticed he was really growing up, he was almost as tall as her and he was still, somehow, a kid. She hugged him and tucked him in, kissing his still round cheeks filled with the still present baby fat. 

_I wish I could have this rose forever._

However, no matter how many times he would toss and turn, nothing could make him sleep. He sat up and opened the curtains to see the empty night sky again. Hasetsu was known for this, its starless night. Summer was leaving and winter was coming and because of that the sky was clear, without a cloud, without stars. Starless skies have happened for a long time and no one understood why, or no one cared. People gave up on investigating the phenomenon, everyone took it as a normal occurrence. He had asked his parents and his sister countless times with curiosity tingling in his eyes worrying them. He had begged for an explanation no one cared about. Eventually it appeared, his father had told him the story of Hasetsu’s starless night after a nightmare.

“A long time ago,” Yuuri started whispering looking up at the sky. He didn’t know why this story shook him to the core, pressed his chest to his lungs and still made him love it all over again. “There was a man, who lived in Hasetsu,” He sighed laying back down on his bed, covering his body with his sheets. He kept looking out the window, the navy blue sky looking back at him, infinite as it is. Yuuri could spot the airplane passing by; he guessed that that’s the only shooting star he can wish upon. “This man was known as Hasetsu’s hero, bringing honour and good memories to everyone, he brought gold, silver and more.” Yuuri wishes for more stars on Christmas and a better ending for Hasetsu’s hero letting out a laugh at the last line he whispered, his father was probably talking about one of his favourite soccer players. “One day,” he breathes out hopefully, “One day, this man found a lover, a beautiful lover.” 

 _Life and love, don’t you think we need that Yuuri?_  

“Who he promised to love forever.”

_I think that’s what everyone needs to be happy, don’t you Yuuri?_

“Unluckily, the hero died in an accident leaving his fiancé alone.” 

_I wish I could have those again._

“So his lover robbed all the stars from the sky, pleading, begging, to let him see him one day.” He closed his curtains and turned around laying his head on his pillow. “The stars loved them, enough to grant them with a reunion. So every Christmas night they would light the path to each other, from heaven to earth.” 

 _Please come back Yuuri._   

Yuuri doesn’t remember when he fell asleep, the exhaustion of a kid made his eyelids heavy at some point during his storytelling. He had school tomorrow and he had to go to Hasetsu's Ice Castle with Yuko, he had a long day waiting for him in a few hours and yet all his mind could focus on is on the boy of his dreams. The laughs they shared and the small talk they usually had, the comforting whistle of the wind and the smell of flowers. 

“Ah, Yuuri, you’re back,” the boy in front of him sighed in relief. 

“Uh yes, was I gone for too long?” the boy nodded. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“It’s okay.” 

The sad smile this boy directed to him was startling, no one has ever looked that beautiful feeling so gloomy. “You have forgotten my name again, haven’t you?” Yuuri didn’t know how this boy knew, but he did and it made him enormously sad. Silent little tears fell from his eyes as he looked down pouting at the garden under him. This boy, this creation from his mind had a name and he had forgotten _again_. This boy, this product from his immense imagination had a name and was his friend – since long ago. His closest friend belonged to his dreams.

“I’m sorry, Victor.” They both gasped and looked at each other in surprise. 

_Victor, Victor, Victor, Victor, his name is Victor, Victor, Victor and he’s his most precious friend._

Victor laughed and suddenly it was too bright, too bright to miss it – too warm.

Grey hair flowed in the air as Yuuri smiled back to his long-time friend. “You haven’t hold your hair today, right?” Victor laughed again and hugged his body from the cold wind, hiding his hands on the inside of his coat. Yuuri sat down on the garden and Victor followed sitting next to him. It wasn’t cold anymore, it was warm and bright, like spring.

“I haven’t, it’s starting to get colder each day and I forgot a lot of things at home because I was late for class.” Yuuri looked focused on his surroundings, on every little detail, on every blue rose and flower around them. He then looked at Victor observing him and, as heat coloured his cheeks, he noticed Victor’s wide blue eyes matched the blue roses. Those eyes couldn’t be compared to the roses, they had a unique colour. Those eyes weren’t just blue, they had teal and they had navy blue, it had a universe of questions and a universe of ideas. They were just Victor, they reminded Yuuri of his favourite colour.

“You hate science class, though?” Yuuri asked, curiously. If he was correct, Victor had that class that day. By that moment he remembered everything about Victor, he thought that maybe it’s one of those REM sleep periods when you are in too deep in the dream. Victor laughed again and nodded. 

“Pretty much, yeah. I was excited though, Christmas is coming for you, but it’s also my birthday.” Yuuri smiled. Yes he knew, at that moment he knew. “Stars will light St. Petersburg and Hasetsu!” He laid down on the pillow of flowers that was the garden and looked up to the sky in Yuuri’s dream. The sky there had no limits and was starless too, the only star there – Yuuri thought – was Victor. “I wish there were stars every day in every part of the sky,” Yuuri looked at him from his spot. He could see every expression and thought that crossed Victor’s mind. This usually made Yuuri curious, so curious he didn’t notice himself laying down next to his friend. 

“I wish for that too.” 

 _Silence._  

“Yuuri, could you tell me the story about the stars again?” 

“A long time ago,” Yuuri started, his voice filled with excitement. This time he could breathe and could even smile without feeling scared of braking anything. “There was a man who lived in Hasetsu, he was known as Hasetsu’s hero bringing honour and good memories to everyone.” Victor shifted, looking back at him in admiration. Deep inside, he wished he had a story like that at home. He had asked everyone he knew if they knew a story about St. Petersburg’s starless night, no one answered. Like Yuuri was told, nobody cared much about it. There was no answer to such night sky. Pollution, some told him; we don’t need them, others added. No one, except his ballet teacher, cared. “He worked hard and brought gold and silver to Hasetsu, ah but I don’t get that part, so don’t mind it. My dad is probably talking about a soccer player he admires or something.” He laughed it off but when he looked into Victor’s eyes he knew his friend didn’t care at all.  “This hero found a lover, a beautiful lover. Who he promised to love forever.”

_Unending chain of surprises._

“Unfortunately the hero died, leaving his fiancé heartbroken.” 

“That’s the saddest part.” Victor whispered. “Lilia told me a different story though, want me to tell you?” Yuuri nodded. “The hero didn’t die. The hero left.” Surprise filled Yuuri’s mind registering the sadness in Victor’s voice. He didn’t know why he felt guilty about it, he didn’t know why, yet he felt as if he was the one guilty of making the hero leave his fiancé. 

“Did he?” Victor nods. “Did she tell you why?” 

“He was scared of hurting his fiancé.” Victor explained. “Lilia said he wouldn’t hurt him, yet he left and with that he, ironically, hurt him.” 

“So the stars granted his fiancé that gift?” Victor nodded. He loved that story as much as Yuuri did. Ever since Yuuri told him about it, there was something about this story that made it so much more special and magical than it looked like to others. “The stars loved them.”

“Yes, they did.” Victor giggled as if he were six and gossiping with Mila and their friends on their way to practice. “If I love someone like that, I hope the stars love me and my partner as much.” He said it in a dreamy way, wanting, longing the warmth of someone next to him; Yuuri could feel this. “In case my lover is afraid of hurting me, I would like it if they help me.” He then heard Victor’s laugh again and smiled. Looking back at Victor was a gift. Yuuri didn’t know how his mind managed to create such a gorgeous fourteen year-old.

If the stars loved the hero and his fiancé…

Could they possibly love them too? 

If so, would the stars let them meet in real life? Would they create an exact copy of Victor that would suddenly appear in his school to spend time with him? To accompany him? “I would like their help too.” Finally said Yuuri. Silence filled their garden again, a comforting silence engulfing the two boys as they dreamed about the stars in the sky they saw every Christmas. 

“I read another book yesterday.” Victor broke the silence again. Now that Yuuri remembers he knows Victor’s routine. He woke up, went to class, went to the ice rink, read a book on his way to the library, read in the library and read on his way to the apartment he and his brother lived in with their parents. “Pride and Prejudice is good but my favourite has to be Northanger Abbey? Austen didn’t like it though she changed a lot of things, I wonder why…” Yuuri didn’t know who that was. He had read books, he had read many books but Victor has read twice the number. 

Or more.

“I’ll bring it to you next time!” Victor’s voice turned soft again, more child-like. It has been changing during their last dreams together and they both have had growth spurts and they both had changed classes and they both apparently had a life. Yuuri had a life in Hasetsu and Victor had a life in Yuuri’s dream recreation of St. Petersburg. “Did you like The Great Gatsby?” 

“Yes.” Victor giggled again. “What?”

“You probably didn’t get it.” 

“My mom had to explain some things to me…” Victor’s smug smile made him blush and it lasted for some short minutes until Victor stood up and cleaned his pants from imaginary grass sticking on it. “Where are we going?” Victor shrugged.

 _Stay close to me, Yuuri._  

 

**December 21 st ** **, 201** **6**

**6** pm

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes for the fifth time that evening, his headache was fading to the background of his worries. Phichit had scribbled in some sticky note adorned with hamsters some kind of “necessities” they were running out of and he _had_ to buy them _before_ Christmas. The supermarket was exploding and his heart pounded even harder every time he felt himself being trapped in some way by others’ carts. He looked at the note again… Did Phichit write cheese or Chinese? He would go with Cheese because why would Phichit ask for Chinese take-out when he is supposed to be cooking dinner at that moment? 

He picked up cheese, which he could totally buy other day after Christmas and tried not to crash against someone else’s cart. The Christmas song was too loud at the moment and he hated it, made him miss home and the quiet songs his mother played during Christmas at the other side of the world. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer could just go and mind his own business in any other store where there’s not as many kids as the ones currently running and shrieking in front of him. He looked at the next item in the list, okay yes, he could do that; just choose a good and not so expensive wine. 

_No big deal._

It was a big deal though, the moment he saw the grad student that lived in the same building as Phichit and him discussing about the champagne he wanted to _throw_ on New Year’s Eve with someone. He knew one of them, Christophe Giacometti, literature student from Switzerland that had self-published an erotic novel that had attracted a lot of people around their campus. The only comment Yuuri made while reading it was that he needed to purify himself after just one chapter. Plus, he gained some brand new kinks he's ashamed of. The grad student would usually just have small talks with Yuuri if they happen to see each other on the hallway – that was embarrassing, Yuuri had to accept, after reading Christophe’s creation.

The other one was probably Christophe’s boyfriend, who he had heard some times through their thin walls. At the beginning of the year you wouldn’t have believed Christophe had a boyfriend but the giggle fits and many teasing Yuuri and Phichit heard from the kitchen meant that these two were serious. So maybe this guy laughing himself off with Christophe was probably his boyfriend. 

Of course he is, attractive people only date attractive people. 

He tried to pass them unnoticed, something he mastered by the time he started college and probably shouldn’t have done at the conservatorium but he did. “Oh maybe we should have wine with your dear boyfriend on Christmas?” 

Oh.

Not the boyfriend. 

Yuuri blushed because he didn’t want to overhear his neighbour’s conversation yet the bottles of wines he wanted and could afford were dangerously next to them. “I was planning on going out with him you know, it’s Christmas after all,” Yuuri gave them his back as he examined the bottle he just grabbed. “Wha- don’t pout Victor, you’re almost thirty,” Yuuri heard a gasp and changed position just in case. Why did Phichit want wine? He had no idea. Supposedly he would go with Phichit and spend Christmas with Celestino, their director, and just chat with some friends from the orchestra in a nice dinner _without_ alcohol of _any_ kind. 

“Ah hey Yuri! What are you up to?” Yuuri flinched and turned around in surprise from his own reflex. _Shit, shit, shit._ They weren’t calling for him of course it was just someone named Yuuri too, on the phone. When his heart calmed down he noticed that Christophe looked back at him. That was great. Not really. 

“Oh hi Yuuri,” Christophe smiled kindly to his neighbour. “Sorry if my friend startled you.” 

They both chuckled. “No, it’s okay I was just… getting wine.” 

“Yuri is staying in Russia! See, this is why the 3 of us should spend Christmas together.” The loud whine interrupted them. For a second there, Yuuri had forgotten about the Christmas Carols and the kids running down aisle seven. “Oh… Hi!” The tall man in front of him, now that Yuuri recalls, was another literature genius – Victor Nikiforov. Almost everyone in the college’s orchestra would die to meet him, Phichit had even sent him one of Victor’s published stories on the college’s newspaper. It was well written, capturing every feeling and every moment. The story was similar to the one his father would tell him before sleeping, yet the feelings were beautifully engulfing him and made him cry and laugh with every sentence. 

Ever since, he hadn’t forgotten about it.

“Hi…” Yuuri answered shyly. 

“This is Yuuri Katsuki, and Yuuri, this is Victor Nikiforov, my closest friend.” Victor extended his hand and Yuuri took the greeting politely, like he have been taught. Still he couldn’t help the slight tremor of his voice and the small shaking his body decided to start – he wasn’t good at meeting people. He looked on the verge of combusting and was a complete shaking mess, to be honest. “Hey Yuuri, are you staying for the holidays?” Apparently Yuuri was a flustering mess most of the time, enough to allow Christophe _of all people_ to not mind it, so Victor waved it off. 

“I yeah, Phichit and I are going to spend Christmas with the orchestra.” A little smile appeared on his lips, curling the ends of them innocently as if he were the kid who had an immense curiosity for the starless sky again. His tense body started relaxing at the thought, Christmas was near and the stars would fill the sky again. If Phichit hadn’t invited him to the orchestra’s dinner (and probably party) he would sit on his bed watching the stars like he did many years ago. 

“Maybe you can come over for New Year?” Startled Yuuri blinked back at the two men in front of him. “We’re going to throw a party,” he signalled Victor and him, “you both are invited.” He winked. 

“Oh! Please join us!” Victor added eagerly, like a puppy. 

“I’ll see if Phichit is free then,” Yuuri smiled. His mind selected a handful of reason’s to not go to the party. The first and only reason was _you’ll get so drunk you’ll end up naked and dancing down the building’s hallway._ Self-control existed in him, but not after his fifth drink. 

“That’s okay, then, we’ll keep getting stuff. See you around.” Yuuri nodded and waved his hand, the other still holding the bottle of wine he wanted. 

“See you!” Victor smiled a boyish smile as he waved at him before turning around to keep discussing with his friend about Christmas. 

Yuuri carefully added the wine to the things he could buy after Christmas in his cart and kept looking around for the wrapping paper Phichit should have gotten weeks ago. Maybe he could go to that party. After all, he hadn't planned anything big for New Year’s but lighting some sparklers by his window before Phichit leaves. Maybe he could consider it-

His phone started ringing. “Phichit?”

“Yuuri! You won’t believe what I just saw!”

“Uh no?”

“A shooting star!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that shooting starts aren't actually stars but this is a fic...  
> anyway, hope you liked it! tell me whatever you want on the comments or not- thank you for reading!


	2. Let's Talk in Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love that song.” 
> 
> "Pardon?" He looked up and of course, the genius in the literature department he had always heard about, even after graduating, had to be there. Of course, Victor Nikiforov had to be in front of him and of course, he blushed.
> 
> “Uh…” Yuuri panicked as his mind went blank. “I uh- I said- I love that song.”

**13 th Christmas Eve**

**11 pm**

“Mari!” Yuuri’s eagerness was wrapped around his still high pitched voice. “Mari please, please, teach me how to do a flower crown.” Vicchan barked as if he were asking the favour too, his small body sticking next to his owner.

His sister looked down from the magazine she was reading to the boy next to her bed. What was he coming up with now? She had no idea. As much as she would love to help him, there was no flower alive at the moment. Not near and she hated working with fake flowers. "Yuuri, it's winter." 

“I bought fake flowers.” He saw her shudder at the thought. “I know you hate them but I really want one, please!” He ranted on how much he had saved to get those flowers and that he needed, really needed to learn _that evening._

“Oh, so you’re going to make one for Yuko?” she wondered and he hated seeing that smug grin on her face as she teased him. He rolled his eyes as his cheeks blushed in embarrassment. “You’re finally doing a move on her?” he shook his head, even when he had been lying for three years already, using Yuko’s names instead of the boy in his dreams, he still felt embarrassed about being teased with his childhood crush.

“She’s my friend.”

“So?” She laughed and patted his head. “Ah, then is it for dreamland boy?”

“He’s a dream recreation Mari, what are you even thinking?” He let out a nervous laugh at being caught, Vicchan following with a whine. Mari’s room was decorated with posters of her favourite band and picture frames of her friends, mostly from graduation day, so many faces were looking down on him – they probably were judging him for living mostly in his dreams than in his real life. “Anyway they are rather cute and I think I really want one.”

“Did you just say cute?”

“I can’t say cute?”

“Flower crowns are beautiful Yuuri, you offend me.” She gasped. “Though I don’t wear them, I guess I’m not beautiful enough for them.”

Yuuri’s faced turned into a horrified look when he heard his sister say such lie. “What the- Mari? Are you being serious?”

“Nah, I don’t like them on my head they itch a bit.” Yuuri sighed in relief. His loving sister should _never_ think that she isn't anything but beautiful. "Okay, so you want me to teach you?" He nodded eagerly. "Let's see what you bought."

He had bought blue roses because of dreamland boy – teen, adult, whatever – had repeated countless times over the years that they were his favourite. In his dreams, it all seemed way more beautiful than the fake ones in the bag he brought from the store but they would do. They went to the inn's dining room, the smell too familiar and comforting for Yuuri. Living in an inn had its pros and cons and yet he loved the pros so much he felt he didn’t even care for the cons.

football matches and the cheering from the men that always sat on table two who watched the matches with him. He loves playing the piano there sometimes, when only regular customers are somewhere else, leaving the dining room empty. He loves the feeling of closeness and the feeling of home. He sighs, he loves it there.

“Okay, so it's like braiding hair." Yuuri was clueless. Through the years long haired boy taught him how to braid his silver hair in his favourite _dreamland_ library, failing miserably. He didn’t know how to braid hair, he wouldn't know how to braid flowers. Mari laughed, “Oh my god, Yuuri, not exactly like braiding hair but really similar... No, wait, I forgot we need some thread or, maybe, I’ll show you how to use a hot glue gun! Wait here! Ah hi mama!” with that she left Yuuri taking out the many fake flowers he got from that shop. He felt Vicchan sitting next to him, the tiny poodle laying comfortably next to him.

"Wow, what is this Yuuri? There are so many roses in here!" he smiled up at his mother as he fidgeted with the end of his warm sweater. His blush was noticeable and after sporting it for thirteen years he was already used to this sign of embarrassment. "Maybe you'll give it to your crush once school starts again?" Yuuri let out a small whine.

“That’s not it mom.” She chuckled. “It’s a birthday present, for a friend.”

“Oh is your friend finally coming over?” He shuddered at the thought of dream boy going there, telling them embarrassing stories like the time when his giant dog, Makkachin, pushed Yuuri into a pond in his dream. He would probably laugh that ridiculously cute laugh and tell everyone how much he loved the hot springs and would wrap his hair in a high ponytail in front of everyone. 

Yuuri groaned, “No mom. I just want a flower crown.” He heard his mother’s soft giggles. “Mom.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. Still, tell him that he can come over whenever he wants.” She ruffled his hair, “don’t make a mess, if you do, please clean up!”

"Yes, mama!”

 

**13 th Christmas **

“Then you, uh, cut this excerpt and…” he didn’t notice his tongue poking out in concentration when he tried to finish the flower crown in front of Victor, who was following his every movement with such curiosity that he didn’t notice his eyes widening in amazement. “That’s it!” Yuuri looked up from his blue flower crown and looked up at Victor.

“Like this?” Victor raised his purple flower crown and frowned.

“Yeah! It looks even better than mine!” Yuuri started picking at some of the blue rose’s petals and let out a shaky breath. “H-here.” He blamed the cold wind coming from the large window next to them for making him stutter and making his shaky hands considerably clammy. “I want to give you this one, though it’s not as good as the one you made, I-

“I really want you to keep it, a-as a birthday gift… I think.” Yuuri couldn’t look up at Victor and let him know that he had spent 6 hours last night practicing how to do it. He doesn’t want to tell Victor how much time he had been doing thick flower crowns, how many times he had burnt with a hot glue gun and he definitely doesn’t want to tell his dream friend the embarrassing remarks his sister was making in the first hour.

“So,” she had said as she helped him use the special glue. “Are you in love with this person or something?”

No. Yuuri wasn’t in love with… with the guy in his dreams. First of all, he knew this guy was a dream. He had tried to convince himself of it. No matter how much he loved talking to him, Yuuri couldn’t confuse reality and dreams so easily, he was no longer a kid and the confession from his classmate before the start of the holidays had pretty much told him about it. He’s thirteen and the dreams had started to be more blurry, less frequent. They were turning into real dreams, actual dreams with impossible things like tiny stars adorning his friend’s long hair or the way the dog, who always follows them, acting like he understood what happened.

Not like Vicchan actually understood when he talked to him back in real world.

“No, it’s a birthday gift.” He returned his focus to the crown he had in his hands and turned it around to check if he made it correctly or if he needed something different so it fit his best friend.

“Thank you,” Victor said to him with the softest voice he’s ever had. “I… haven’t got any gifts today, nor do I think I will, so thank you.” His smile was weak and Yuuri understood why he wouldn’t get gifts. He looked up at Victor, “Could you please put it on me?”

“…Yes.”

He leaned closer and put the flower crown on top of Victor’s head, adjusting it in place and letting it decorate the top of the beautiful man Victor was becoming. He had closed his blue eyes, Yuuri noticed when he let his hands fall to his sides and appreciated his work on Victor. He still had soft features, yet he wasn’t the kid he used to be, his voice had deepened and his jaw had sharpened. He was still carefree and playful, he forgot about the rest of the world when he enjoyed himself and he loved reading just as much as he had loved it before. He loved him, for all the wrong reasons. People would fall in love with the way he enjoys ballet, the way he laughs and the way he talks. Yuuri loved Victor because he enjoyed every second, he was stubborn and he was silly. This once, this few seconds, is where he allowed himself free, he allowed himself to love him.

“How do I look?” Victor’s whisper felt like he didn’t want to break the closeness.

"It matches your eyes," Yuuri said still entranced by Victor's beauty. He heard a breathy chuckle and jumped slightly in surprise.

“Do they?” Victor teased. The small space is theirs, the small space in the spacious library couldn’t make them any more comfortable. The library was giant, pale green walls with gothic style Yuuri had only seen in books at school. Not many people were near their corner, lit by a green lamp on the desk. Paintings decked the halls and rooms and looked pleased with their location. Victor always talked about them and had gasped at the additions like a kid when he turned sixteen. Yuuri had to admit that he loved Victor’s surprised look, the enchanted look he has when he finds the book he was looking for.

"It's so beautiful Yuuri, I love blue roses! Thank you!" His smile had the shape of a heart and that's the smile Yuuri loved so much. Yuuri blushed and went back to his seat. "Use the one I did for you Yuuri!" Victor suggested eagerly. The flower crown was even more beautiful than the one he made for Victor and he somehow felt the slight itch of disappointment for not doing his crown as beautiful.

“How do I look?”

He didn’t hear the whisper, someone had violently shushed them, but Victor’s smile was adorned with a slight blush and that was all he could ask for.

 

**24 th Christmas **

_Stay close to me, Yuuri._

He woke up with a startled jump, sweating and late. Yuuri had the craziest dream he had had in years. Overwhelming dreams were something he had experienced when he was younger, palpable and too real to be a dream. He saw Victor, Christophe’s friend, in the garden he remembered faintly from dreams like this. Victor was moving, leaving him behind – pangs of pain grew on his chest and a heavy, chocking feeling laid on his neck as he held back tears.

Then Victor turned around.

Extended his hand, open, inviting. With the gentle, loving smile he had seen somewhere else.

_Stay close to me, Yuuri._

That’s what he said and he had followed. Yuuri followed, seeing that the more Victor walked away, the more pain Yuuri felt.

_Don’t go, I’m afraid of losing you._

“Yuuri! I made poodle pancakes! With Santa hats! Wake up!” Phichit’s call from the kitchen reminded him that he was there and the panic he was starting to feel growing from the pit of his stomach subsided slightly, _he was there_ , _he was there_.

“Going!” his voice was hoarse with the vanishing feeling of unshed tears. He looked up to the glow in the dark stickers Phichit had given him when they moved as a “you’re an adult already!” gift. Or so Phichit said.

He remembers Victor again and shook his head as if the movement would throw away the memory. Unluckily it didn't. He hadn't seen the man since he met him at the supermarket and yet the dream had detailed features of him, he even had a coat he hadn't seen before. Yeah, he was definitely crazy. Definitely.

“Yuuri!”

He yawned and tried to do something with his bed hair, yawning again. He ran through his mental to-do list and let out a loud groan, holidays didn’t exactly mean vacations to him. “Yuuri you can do that later!” Phichit said from outside his room making Yuuri blush as he opened his door and walked outside.

“Shut up.” He grumbled playfully.

“Good morning! It’s Christmas!” His best friend chirped, sipping on his hot chocolate. While Yuuri was ready to kill a man when he woke up, unless he was in his zombie state – like Phichit said – Phichit was the “I woke up like this” person. His best friend had opened the curtains and the brightness of the day coming from the french windows was almost blinding for his tired eyes.

Last night they had a nice dinner with their friends from the music department most of them are part of the orchestra they worked at with Celestino. Afterward, they had chatted and drank wine back in their apartment with some of their closest friends.

“Morning.” He mumbled and offered a little smile to his best friend's excitement. He has seen Phichit trying to make pancakes with shapes since the day he saw a video of someone making a _Hamtaro_ pancake. He went nuts. Yuuri swears he was tired of pancakes at some point and was close to going out for breakfast, plus the extra weight he got from those was not easily worked off.

“It’s good,” he said around his fork. He pinched on the blueberry that was on the side of his plate and moaned around the mixing of flavours it created.

“I’m glad! Maybe I should give some to Tweet.” As if on cue Tweet appeared inside the hamster exercise ball Yuuri had gotten for the gray hamster as a Christmas gift.

“I don’t think Tweet can eat that.”

“He survived the pesto noodles, he’ll be fine.” Yuuri shrugged, he was right after all. “What should we do today?”

Yuuri cut another slice from his pancakes. “Huh?”

“Don’t huh me, it’s Christmas.” Yuuri felt sorry for his poodle pancakes, he had started from the Santa hat, so he picked a bit of the ear once it was over.

He swallowed dreading Phichit’s answer to the plan he had for Christmas. “I was thinking of start composing the piece Celestino asked for.” He didn’t look up when he heard the dramatic gasp and the loud whine, his poodle pancake was almost left without an ear. “I’m not sure why I was chosen to do it, though." He let out a nervous shudder.

“That’s easy Yuuri, you capture the feeling you want to transmit.” He took a bite from his own poodle pancake and swallowed before continuing. “You feel it, you give it to everyone with every note.”

Yuuri let out a breathy chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck. Yeah, sure.

To start with, he has never believed in the so-called talent of his, such talent wasn’t exactly real. He plays the piano since he was ten, after a few ballet classes back in Hasetsu, enchanted by classic music. He had started playing the usual twinkle, twinkle little star, then it escalated to Yuko asking for a song from “The King and The Skater” soundtrack. It turned out that there was a never ending pleasure running through his veins when he played the piano in the inn’s dining room. Then he decided that he _had_ to learn how to play the violin, after many frustrating days trying to cover every movie soundtrack he loved. He picked it up relatively fast and had even learned to play the guitar and the drums during the years. 

People called him a genius, his hobby rapidly turning into something a lot more serious when he composed a song on the program he downloaded to play and fool around, he never showed it to anyone, nor did he show the other unfinished melodies saved on his laptop _._ His biggest enjoyment turned into something he wanted to do forever and that’s how he got there, in Celestino’s symphonic orchestra, Detroit’s orchestra.

People call _him_ a genius when all he did before was cover movie soundtracks and symphonies, all he did was a replay of songs and not create something good. There was Phichit, who learned how to play violin when he was almost four years old. There was Guang Hong who played the Cello since he was eleven, self-teaching himself. There were people like Leo who knew how to play five different instruments and could make anyone _feel_ what the music wanted to transmit through a composed symphony that he made in an app on his way to the orchestra hall. He was a dime in a dozen musician who was lucky enough to have a place to do what he loved to do.

“Finish your breakfast then, we’ll go out!”

Yuuri groaned again.

He loved shopping with Phichit, somehow there was always something new that Phichit found. Whether it was from a mall or thrift shop, they both really enjoyed going around the streets and so. Although he was tired from the previous midnight celebrations he couldn’t say no to Phichit, definitely no when his best friend had this sparkle in his eyes that meant “I just got paid, paid my part of the bills, let’s spend my 25 bucks on something.”

“We need to get new CDs," Phichit mentioned outside a thrift shop pushing Yuuri in.

“Blank CDs?” Yuuri wondered, remembering the pack of CDs they still have back at their apartment. “We actually still have a lot.” Phichit had insisted on buying a pack of 50 blank CDs. Even when he could just save the mixes he did in his program in a USB or send it in an email, Phichit had begged for them because “there’s no romance in sending someone just a really good song that’s an archive called Melody435.mp4”.

“If we needed them I wouldn’t get them from a thrift shop," Phichit said looking around. "Hi, Leo!"

“Hey! Phichit! Yuuri!” Leo said from the counter. “Yuuri, guess what arrived just a few days ago?” Yuuri’s interest picked up, it probably was a rare classical song he confessed he loved when they decided to have a pajama party by Phichit’s request. They had been so deep in conversation that Yuuri felt like telling them about how homesick he was. He told them how some operas reminded him of the small dances he had with his sister when they were kids, of how he played the piano in the dining room, how his parents went to his recitals and how they encouraged him to follow his dreams.

Leo didn’t even wait for an answer, he pulled from under the counter a quite old CD. Yuuri couldn’t believe it. He had recognized the cover immediately, the words written in golden and the teal background of the black and white characters brought memories from home. From the days when Minako was his ballet instructor, from the days when he played the violin trying to learn somehow how to do it as his teacher. “Merry Christmas!” said Phichit next to him as he handed Leo a few items.

“What?”

“We got it just for you!” Leo added. “Guang Hong found it online and the three of us decided that it would be a great birthday gift, though it just got here this morning.”

Yuuri couldn't thank his friends enough for this gift. He had waited some years to listen to the melancholic story the tenor sang. When he finally did, he couldn't help but cry a bit from the emotions it brought to him. Raw emotions as if he was the one living that as if he asked someone to stay with him and wait for him to be ready before continuing their dance. As if he were the tenor.

Stay close to me, said the song. Indeed, if he were the tenor’s love, he would never go.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Phichit says from the kitchen, faintly pops tell Yuuri he’s getting ready for a movie marathon and he nods, wiping some of the tears that were rolling down.

“Thank you, really.”

They sat on the couch near the small balcony, it had turned their Christmas tradition to watch the stars every Christmas night, whether there were actual stars dancing on the night or not. Yuuri had told Phichit when they met that Hasetsu had a starless sky, he told his best friend that he had never seen stars on regular days and that had resulted on a really bad joke and Yuuri slamming himself on the wall near the window. Phichit had worried about it because he had always seen them and his best friend seemed so attached to them, even when you could barely see an airplane these days. Still, when Yuuri was homesick, Phichit would see him sitting on his bed and looking up at the polluted sky that simulated the darkness of Hasetsu’s nights through the window.

Stars, Phichit learned, were like Yuuri. Stars shine brightly in the most unexpected way, in the darkest nights, even when they’ve gone through chaos to be born. Yuuri was a star and whoever looked at him the way Yuuri looks up to the freckled sky would be the lucky one.

 

**12 th Christmas**

“What are you humming?” Yuuri curiously looked up at Victor who was dancing on top of a long garden wall. He made a perfect arabesque just as the melody on his head finished and he clapped to himself jumping to walk next to Yuuri.

“ _Stammi Vicino_.” Yuuri didn’t get it. “Stay Close To Me.” Victor helped.

“Oh, is that for your ballet recital?”

“Yup, Lilia thinks it’s a good piece, it’s a melancholic story. Though I’m too young to understand how exactly he feels I can interpret it my own way. So why not?” Victor’s smile was blinding again. Yuuri shrugged it off and nodded.

“Seems like a good piece.”

“I can sing it,” Victor added, uncharacteristically shy. “If you want.”

“Sure.” Yuuri sent him a comforting smile, he knew what being nervous was like, this, he could relate to the flawless dreamland boy.

Victor's voice was shaking and it was barely a whisper, and, while a tenor would definitely have a deeper voice; the soft, nervous and broken voice of Victor made the feeling from the song stronger. The main story started with the tenor being lonely, Victor later explained. If that’s what the tenor felt then Yuuri felt it with the broken voice of a boy singing alone. It felt as if Victor resented love, but that couldn’t be it – Yuuri thought – Victor was too young to resent the bubbling happy feeling he felt when he saw Victor’s hair wave around in the wind when he smiled.

“Lilia taught me how to sing it correctly, though I think it’s completely different from the song.”

“It’s beautiful,” Yuuri interrupted and blushed immediately from his words. It wasn't usual to see Victor blushing, though not as usual as seeing Yuuri blush.

“Thanks.”

They kept walking down the road, chatting about the song, about what Lilia and Victor had planned, about how the song was perfect, about their little everything and their little nothings. It was them talking about things they knew, like a secret code, like something so effortless that they knew he could talk for hours.

Yuuri’s mom had told him about that feeling.

Yuuri knew this feeling of closeness, yet it was new.

This wasn’t the love he felt for his sister or his parents. This wasn’t like the little crush Yuuri had on Yuko – it was intense, strong and innate.

As if he were born to feel it.

He wasn’t ready for the shock of it showering once he noticed he was admiring Victor, once he noticed that he knew everything he could know about Victor and somehow… Moments like this, moments so quite yet so full of everything were surprisingly shaking him, waking him up to do things he didn’t know he could.

Victor made him feel like living, and he couldn't be any happier about that.

 

**December 28 th, 2016**

Yuuri didn't particularly enjoy sharing tables with unknown people, yet if he really had to he had no problem. He was feeling completely unproductive and, as much as Celestino had insisted he didn't need to exactly work on his own piece until late February, he needed to do it for the sake of his well-being. His own worries and insecurities wouldn't let him live it down. He had sat down in a crowded café with blank music sheets as if that were going to help him get some ideas.

It didn’t. He probably had watched August Rush too many times with Phichit.

For him, music wasn't exactly around him but in his own life, every little memory in his life had a soundtrack and he wasn't even sure how to make it all one melody enough to enthrall people. Maybe he needed more experience from love because his was non-existent.

Celestino must be crazy.

Yuuri stared at the comfort mocha and whipped cream that he ordered and shouldn’t be drinking. Sugar was the only escape at the moment though, and he needs his comfort drink at moments like this. After Christmas, he had been listening to his Christmas gift all day and night, in particular, his favourite track. It was another comfort he needed and itched to have in that moment, but Tweet had bitten on his earphones and Phichit was taking his sweet time to give him new ones. His mind then started playing the song with a comforting tune, covering the chatter around him.

_Stay close to me, don’t go away,_

_I’m afraid of losing you,_

_Yuuri._

He jumped up, startled and feeling utterly scared. He had known from the beginning of the song that it wasn't the tenor's voice but he couldn't care less if the voice in his head had messed up the tone. He loved the feelings in that song. The way the lyrics matched the emotions from the voice in his head. Plus, his mind has always been a creative little box, so he didn't mind it. Until the voice mentioned his name like a ghost got inside his mind.

Then he remembered. He had heard that voice before and he had definitely heard it when he was younger. Maybe from his family or someone close, he shuddered at thought of Takeshi singing that but, then again, his mind was really creative. Maybe from anyone close to him, the song wasn’t really known and he only showed it to a handful of people he met through his life. Probably his father sang it to him when he was a baby or something.

He relaxed, he seriously needed something more than comfort food and comfort music to create a melody that could surprise everyone.

“Do you mind if I put a bit of music?” someone asked in front of him and he shook his head hoping it wasn’t something rare and disturbing. He didn’t even look up, but oh how he regrets not doing it before. As if the person had read his mind his favourite song started playing softly from the laptop in front of him. The typing wasn’t even interrupting the song and the person in front of him had even started to hum softly along it. It was obvious, Yuuri thought, that he wouldn’t hold back and mumble surprised: “I love that song.”

"Pardon?" He looked up and of course, the genius in the literature department he had always heard about, even after graduating, had to be there. Of course, Victor Nikiforov had to be in front of him and _of course,_ he blushed.

“Uh…” Yuuri panicked as his mind went blank. “I uh- I said- I love that song.”

“Oh!” Victor smiled, surprised, brows raising. “I love it too! It’s flawless, captures everything the lyrics tell.”

“Ye- I think- Yeah it’s beautiful." With that, Yuuri shut up for good and took another sip of his drink again. Victor smiled at him and went back to typing furiously fast on his laptop. Well, he was being really productive, observed Yuuri. He took out his phone and scrolled through his social media and then curiously looked up at Victor every now and then until the song was about to start with his favourite part.

“You know,” Victor started after a few moments spent in silence. “I love this part.”

_This story that has no meaning,_

_Will vanish tonight together with the stars._

  
“Love doesn’t last forever, the song captures that feeling in this sentences," Victor commented with a smile and a happy tone in his voice, Yuuri can't believe he heard something so bitter from such sweetness dripping from his voice. His favourite part started and he didn’t even mind. His surprise even bigger than the pleasure of silently listening to the tenor’s voice.

“Huh?”

“Victor,” he extended his arm to shake Yuuri’s hand from across the table, completely avoiding Yuuri’s surprise to his recent declarations. "I think we met at the supermarket the other day? Yuuri, right?” Victor’s bubbly voice and smile made him think twice, he seemed pretty carefree and Yuuri was startled easily with sudden changes, like Victor.

“Ah… y-yeah, Yuuri.”

"Well, I'm glad we both have a good taste in music!" He sent him another smile and Yuuri still couldn't believe that Victor was actually smiling at all. He wasn't, in fact – Yuuri believed, those smiles were polite and enchanting. Those smiles were as if he had been told to act this way around people since he was born. Movements engrained in every muscle, robotic smiles.

And yet they were so overwhelming they surprised Yuuri with how the melody of his favourite melodramatic song weighted on Victor and let him fake smiles when he was bitterly commenting on something Yuuri was desperately missing and looking for.

Love.

"Yeah..." Yuuri breathed out. Sipping his drink had been his only escape, looking at his phone now seemed rude at some point and he didn’t know if Victor would start another topic right there or-

"You are a musician right?"

“Uh… Yeah.” Victor kept silent, interested in that piece of information, looking at Yuuri and the papers in front of him incredibly blank except for the doodles of flowers and dogs. “I graduated last semester and I play in Detroit’s orchestra.”

“Oh! I think I’ve seen one of your recitals on campus.” Yuuri blushed and pursed his lips, he didn’t like those. Not because he didn’t enjoyed them but because he was a wrecking mess and he hated messing everything and, thank every god that exists, he haven’t messed up _– yet_ “The Christmas recital, right? The Nutcracker? Amazing.”

“Hm, thanks.” They stayed in silence again and went back to what they were doing before. Victor again furiously typing on his laptop with a – Yuuri classified – concentration face that neared hopelessness; and Yuuri doodling on the corners of his papers with no idea of what to even do in a café to start on his own piece. “I’ve read one of your short stories.” Yuuri commented doodling a poodle with a flower crowns, reminding him of Vicchan. 

“Really?!” Yuuri nodded shyly.

“St. Petersburg starless night.” The story that was so similar to his childhood bedtime story, similar to the story that made him hope and dream.

_Oh._

Right, vivid dreams that made him believe they were real, that somehow his dreamland friend was real. Even now, Yuuri swears he remembers dreamland boy faintly, mostly what he said than what they did together. Dreams were a memory that reminded him of the view half lidded eyes showed, blurry and almost colourless, even when he feels he was there _living._

“I think it’s the only one I actually like,” Victor commented. “My ballet instructor once told me about it – I don’t know – I don’t have a good memory but apparently that story stuck with me.” Polite smile, again.

“My dad once told me about that story, about my hometown.” Curiosity struck Victor blue eyes and that alone made Yuuri blush and squirm in his seat.

“Oh? Right, there are more than just one place without stars…” He looked up as if remembering every starless city – which, in fact, were only two: Hasetsu and St. Petersburg. Yuuri had read all about it and had even tried, so hard, to see if there were any connection. “Ha—

“Hasetsu, yeah.” Yuuri tried to moderate his voice, nor too loud, nor to blunt. He hated sounding arrogant because of his own insecurities.

"I had a friend from there, I think." With a finger on his lip, Victor tried to look for the piece of information from his brain. It was a good sight, Yuuri thought. Victor Nikiforov – everyone's crush on campus, five-time winner of "hottest guy on campus" from that ridiculous magazine some people read – was in fact, very clumsy and social. Such glorified guy could forget things such as friends from childhood.

“Hasetsu is a small town, I probably know them.”

“Maybe? I just, haven’t seen him in a really long time.” He sighed, “I don’t remember his name…”

Yuuri hummed. That’s okay, people didn’t visit Hasetsu much, the lack of constellations once was the attraction for tourists – it isn’t anymore, they had it in their own home now. In fact the only onsen left was his family’s and that was thanks to the popular dish it his mother prepared, bless her. While St. Petersburg had different touristic places, Hasetsu only had a ninja castle and a nice beach. Common things in Japan that could be seen anywhere else.

“I’m actually writing the story all over again.” He pointed at his laptop, “the ending needs some changes.”

“Why?” Yuuri was genuinely curious about what made Victor change the ending. He knew the hero died and the lover tried to visit him for as long as they can and, in Victor’s story, they live happily ever after – somehow. He didn’t exactly love the ending but the emotions the whole story brought to him. The lump in his throat when he read the hero’s lover despair was enough proof.

“I changed the ending last minute in the one published, it was rushed and I hate cliché happy endings, mostly in this story. But the prompt was “happy ending” and I _had_ to change it.” He plopped himself on the table in front of his notebook and looked at Yuuri from down there. “Please tell me you didn’t like the ending, I hate it too much.”

“I thought the story was really good.”

“ _Ending,_ ” Victor emphasized.

“I know the other side of the story so I didn’t quite like the fact that it was left so open and so rushed,” Yuuri mumbled under the pressure. “Even if I attached to the story so much, the ending wasn’t the big finale it deserves.”

“Thank you.” Victor smiled. “Finally someone does say constructive criticism.” Yuuri snorted.

“I’m sure that wasn’t constructive at all.”

“Well, at least you didn’t gag like my little brother did when I told him to give me his opinion on it.” He chuckled, going back to his initial position. “He acts like he hates romance but I’ve made him watch The Notebook and Titanic and even read with him John Green books.”

“ _John Green_.” Yuuri snorted – and blushed afterwards – mixing it with the dumbest giggle that he hated so much. He had heard many times from many students in his department say things about Victor Nikiforov only reading classical books and hating on young adults books, something that somehow relaxed him since they had this in common. They were wrong yet again. Feeling like teasing, for reasons he couldn’t quite explain to himself he voiced his thoughts with a small laugh afterwards.

“Well, if it’s a good Young Adult book, why not reading them? In fact only reading classical books would’ve made me live under a rock or something. I need to know what people like now.” Victor looked so proud of himself and Yuuri felt like laughing again because Phichit had forced him to read “YA romances” and he felt like some of them were overrated.

Or maybe it was because it was 50 shades of Grey and he couldn’t understand the whole craze about it.

“I’m actually really good with social media!” Victor added and for the very first time Yuuri noticed that this _adorable_ – get a grip, Yuuri – heart shaped smile was Victor’s genuine smile and Yuuri liked it. It reminded him of his childhood somehow and he couldn’t quite get why, so he shrugged it off and enjoyed the moment where his nerves were already gone and let him talk to this idolized student from his own college.

“I barely use it.”

“You don’t like it?”

“I just don’t know what to post? I do share some stuff from time to time but uh- yeah- I don’t know- not a big fan of taking selfies?” He chuckled at his silliness, he really had to start using his Instagram and stop just retweeting every cute dog he found on Twitter and actually tweet something.

“Aw, well you can still add me.” Victor smiled brightly with a faint blush on his cheeks and it surprised Yuuri so much how the conversation had led them to open up, at least a bit, so fast.

“I guess I will,” thinking a bit more as if he were talking to a close friend, he added: “unless you quote your Instagram posts with John Green quotes.” Yuuri looked at his hands while a small smirk formed on his lips, giving himself a pat on his shoulder for leaving his insecurities aside. Victor groaned.

“This is not a thing I should say on the day I meet someone!” He blushed again and laughed as he laid his head on the table again. “And in my defense, John Green does have some good books.”

“I liked Paper Towns, one of the many books my best friend have pushed me to read.” He took a sip of his long forgotten diabetes-inducing Mocha and finally looked at Victor in the eye with the little flash of lighting he got struck with and then looked down again. Improvements.

“Ah that one’s good, I finished The Fault in Our Stars, this morning actually.”

“I haven’t read that one.”

“Well, you better now.” Victor shoved his hand into his messenger bag and took out the book. Well, he was full of surprises. “Have you watched the movie?”

“No?”

“Do you know what is it about?”

“No?”

“Okay, then read it without googling anything, okay?” Yuuri was too overwhelmed looking at Victor to see whatever he was doing with his hands and the book. “It’s really light if you’ve read classical books.”

“I love them.”

Victor smiled. “So do I.”

“So you’re just giving me a book- just like that?” Yuuri looked at the turquoise cover and the chalk-like writing. It seemed pretty new and he wondered how much it must’ve taken Victor to finish it.

“Oh no, just lending it to you!” he smiled with his eyes closed and there were so many smiles Victor had, Yuuri needed to collect them in his mind, somehow. “You can give it to me on New Year’s Eve? At Chris' party? You’re going?” Yuuri nodded without thinking.

“I’ll try to finish it by then.”

“That’s good!” Victor’s bubbliness somehow made Yuuri laugh again and he had to sip on his now cold Mocha to calm himself down. Victor looked amused and with that he looked at his laptop screen and gasped scanning through whatever he was writing and muttered “I need to delete all of this.”

Yuuri gave him some time and checked his phone when it buzzed.

 **Phichit** r u practicing?

 **Phichit** pls say no

No

 **Phichit** I need ur help getting together piece n7 n I’m dyingggg!!

Want me back?

 **Phichit** pls?? I swear I’ll get ur headphones today :D

 **Phichit** I’ll leave my phone while u help me

Ok, want coffee?

 **Phichit** espresso

Yuuri looked up and saw Victor typing and sipping on the coffee he didn’t know he had. Whatever that was. “So- um- I guess- I think- I’ll see you at the party?” Yuuri started, closing himself again and standing up picking up his papers and putting them inside the book.

“Oh um yeah!” Yuuri couldn’t quite get what tone indicated on Victor, but Victor was busy and Yuuri couldn’t just distract him all day.

“Okay so- um- I’ll be going then, tha-thanks for the book! Bye!” blushing he took some steps from the table they were sharing with – then he noticed – with other people.

“Bye! Have a nice day!” Yuuri almost tripped on his way to the counter to get Phichit’s drink.

Well, Yuuri didn’t want to know what to do with his new friend now.

 

 **January 1** ** st ** **, 2017**

“Hey Yuuri do you want some aspirin?” Phichit’s knocks on the door were so strong the simple sound of them were making him curse under his pillow. He hoped he hadn’t gone too wild last night and he definitely hoped there was no evidence of it, if it happened.

“I uh- I think I’m dead, Phichit.” He groaned and felt like throwing up. Indeed, dead.

“Do you need anything?” Yuuri peaked out and groaned again at the sunlight in his room. _Fuck alcohol._

“’m fine.”

Phichit cleared his throat and deepened his voice. “He was, clearly, not fine.”

“Leave me alone to die.”

He really hoped he hadn’t done anything stupid, and if he did, then less hangover Yuuri would deal with that. Yeah.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long, I kinda thought I posted it! thanks for reading! and I hope you enjoyed it :) you can tell me what you liked in the comments or scream to me about it on Twitter (@TalkingtotheSea) I mostly rant about this au there! so if you have any questions about it, feel free to ask me there!


	3. Wonders Yet To Discover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For reasons Yuuri can’t even start to explain to himself he started meeting with Victor almost daily – actually, they met daily, all day, every week for the last two weeks – at the beginning, he was forced by Victor. Forced sounds like he was dragged out of bed by Victor and... he kind of did exactly that.

**December 30th, 2016**

I can’t believe that’s the ending!!

**Victor** aAAAAAAAAHHHH

**Victor** you finished!! Did you liked it!!

More than The Notebook, yeah 

**Victor** -.- don’t compare them,,

**Victor** I might like Green but tbh Sparks is not my cup of tea 

Oh hahaha well I still liked this 

 

Yuuri was laying on the floor, still procrastinating on his creation process. A few days ago, when he opened the book Victor had lent him, he found a card inside with Victor’s name and phone number with a drawn  (´ ♡ `)ﾉ.  The emoji reminded him of Victor’s heart-shaped smile –the one he saw at the café and couldn’t quite get how or when did he stored that in his memory. He had finished reading The Fault in Our Stars; which was (and he quotes Victor) a  _ fucking masterpiece that needed more recognition than it gets. _

It wasn’t the best thing in the world, definitely not Shakespeare, but it wasn’t bad at all. 

They had started texting soon after Yuuri started reading the book and somehow texting Victor daily made him feel a lot more comfortable and open. They had talked mostly about the book and how ridiculous some ideas were – and how others were true. Now that the book is over… he didn’t know what to do or how to continue texting Victor. 

Texting Victor somehow was something that made him feel okay during the day.

“Hey Yuu—why are you smiling?” Phichit came out with a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. “OHHH,” his hands went to cover his mouth and then he laughed, rolling his eyes. “Victor again?”

Yuuri groaned. It was correlative, the more Victor and Yuuri texted, the more Phichit teased. “It’s none of your business,” he replied playfully, throwing him a pillow from the couch. “I just had to complain about the ending.”

“You’ve barely slept to finish it.” Phichit pointed out and it was a truth Yuuri couldn’t exactly hide because he had run to Phichit’s room impulsively at two in the morning just to scream “That writer is a complete asshole what the actual fuck?!” startling Phichit awake and earning a pillow on his face. 

“Well, you didn’t exactly want to comment it with me.” Yuuri giggled. 

“Two a.m. Yuuri! Two!” his best friend complained. “I am your best friend who always, and I say always, woke your zombie-self up for a morning run or an exam and never  _ ever  _ lost my patience over you falling asleep on your breakfast, I deserve to sleep.” 

“It happened once,” Yuuri said, referring to that one time Yuuri was a zombie and had no idea what was going on around him, he even fell asleep on his breakfast and he would rather not talk about it.

“Tell that to my lovely and destroyed french toasts.” Phichit laughed as he grabbed his keys from the kitchen’s counter. “I’m going to hell, wanna come with me and try to get inspired?” 

“uhh… Let’s hope I try.” 

 

**January 4** **th** **, 2006**

“Why are we reading Twilight?”  Yuuri questioned the gigantic book in his hands. Everyone was reading it and he didn’t exactly felt attracted to the story. On the other hand… Victor was pretty much caught up in it. “Didn’t you say that you liked more classic books?” 

“Yep,” Victor started, bookmarking the other copy they had of Twilight on the local library they always visited. “I like them, but from time to time it’s good to have simply written books, easy read, plus the plot is quite funny.”

“A vampire just wants to get in the pants of—I don’t remember.”

“Bella.”

“And if he doesn’t then the wolf will.” Yuuri sighed. “What kind of story is that?” he was curious, yeah, Yuko read the book too and almost every girl in his class has or was reading it at that moment. 

“Well, love has no boundaries.”

“Says the guy who swears to not believe in it.” Yuuri teased him. It’s been years, really, since they’ve talked about it. The last time being when Victor was severely hurt from whatever he didn’t want to tell Yuuri about. It was something Yuuri couldn’t agree nor disagree. He didn’t know love exactly. The only one who ever made him feel overwhelmed by it was next to him and whatever that feeling he had been feeling for years was, he liked to call it love. With that feeling he could do everything, even read such long book if he had to, ridiculous plot and all. 

Victor hummed and smiled a soft smile before returning to the book, then closed it. “Where’s Makkachin?” They both froze. Makkachin was, by some dream magic, Yuuri believed, authorised in the library. Yuuri and Victor usually used the kids' zone where bean bags were scattered around and they would sit on them until it was late. Makkachin would sit with them and nap, if they left the place before just to walk and play around the streets Makkachin would follow. 

Makkachin always stuck with them, unless he was messing around. 

As if on cue, a bark was heard and Victor jumped out of his seat to take Makkachin outside. “Let’s go Yuuri,” he said smiling back so brightly at Yuuri it hurt, “Makkachin wants to play.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll race you there!” he laughed and people reading shushed him making them giggle, so Yuuri followed like he always did. 

 

**December 30** **th** **, 2016**

“I’ll leave you here then! I’ll tell you if I can go out before or if Celestino changed his mind!” Phichit said closing the door to the music room. Yuuri walked around it, wandering and touching every instrument that has helped him during his college classes. He remembers telling his parents about studying, about school, about music – about how he felt towards it. He was scared, anxious to open up about his deepest feelings; so he talked and talked until there were no more words that could describe the feeling growing in his chest. He remembers clearly how his parents had smiled and nodded in understanding. 

He remembers his mother saying: “We won’t love you any less if you are not part of the family business Yuuri, you’re our son.” 

He remembers the way his old Vicchan had barked in excitement as everyone hugged and let him feel loved. 

Then it clicked him, as his hands dropped on the piano’s keys, he had to do this for his family. The only unconditional love he has had in his life. The love that would always be there no matter what. He remembers the lullaby his mother would sing for him when he was younger, the soft and gentle caresses when she combed his hair to calm him down when everything was scary to him. 

He tried a few notes, trying to mimic the tender voice of his mother. The childhood murmur from the inn’s dining room. And it flew, the very first few seconds of a lovely and innocent melody, childlike. He sighed, he better write that down or else he’ll forget it, even if he doubts he will. He grabbed the first music sheets he found in there and started all over again. 

Childhood. 

It was memories of his parents taking him to ballet classes. It was him dancing around the living room until he liked the moves he did. It was him falling on the ice with wobbly legs. It was him meeting Yuko and Takeshi. It was him falling hopelessly for the sound of the piano, of the violin. It was him watching movies because he listened to the soundtracks. It was him running on the beach with Vicchan. It was him and his closest experience to love. 

Love as he hoped everyone has. Love as a close memory to his heart. Love as his mother kissing his forehead and telling him goodnight. Love as his father taking him to the Ice Castle. Love as in Mari teaching him how to do crafts, how to draw, telling him he was worth every shot. 

Love as him, running freely with his best friend, with faint memories of flowers and the smell of books.

He didn’t notice when his fingers glided over the keys of the piano, he didn’t notice the way he started thinking about what other instruments he would add. He didn’t notice because this was what he was looking for, the feeling his own creation produced. The shivers and the overwhelming feeling of his heart about to burst. Love, from his family, from his friends, from people he trusted and loved; so much it hurt and sometimes not even his heart of glass could take it. This was for them. 

This was… on his love. 

He could feel the what he would like to add. He could ask Guang Hong about singing, a tenor might be able to do it. There had to be innocence and pure love. As if Yuuri were discovering his love. Which, he was. He was trying to discover, he guesses a bit late, but it’s never too late to discover love. Or so he believed.

 

**January 9** **th** **, 2017**

If Yuuri could hide under a rock, he would. He hadn’t slept at all last night and being who he is, he sleepily sent messages to Victor thinking he was Phichit before passing out on his piano. In fact, when he checked his phone in the morning, he noticed that he had left open Victor’s chat and he thought about throwing himself out the window. 

**Victor** Hey Yuuri! I hope you’re doing alright! just wanted to tell you that you left your scarf and Chris handed it to me since he’s on a trip hahaha

**Victor** I’ll give it to you!! 

**Victor** when are you free?

 

He had sent Victor an audio. 

An Audio of him slurring with a sleepy voice the indications for his piece as he changed a few notes here and there. Out of all the responses he thought and planned Victor would send, nothing prepared him for the one he had spent the whole morning rereading. 

 

**Victor** I play the violin!  

**Victor** (´ ♡ `)ﾉ

**Victor** I can help you! We should meet and talk about it!!!

 

**Victor** I guess you fell asleep  ☹

**Victor** goodnight then Yuuri! I hope you get to see many stars this year!! 

 

_ Fuck.  _

He doesn’t even remember telling Victor about seeing stars, or anything related to it, that is. He probably told him about it on new year’s eve when he was so drunk he swore he died the next day. He vaguely remembers being “fashionably late” according to Phichit, even though they were next door. He remembers champagne, a dance off Phichit had forced him in with a kid and Chris. He remembers he was already tipsy when Victor wanted to dance with him. 

After that they sat on a table in the kitchen, snacking and having small talk. He remembers telling Victor about what he had to do and Victor telling him that he needed inspiration for his works. 

Then,  _ poof _ , nothing, zero, nada. 

He would rather keep it that way. 

“I’ll check if he’s awake then!” Phichit chirped and somehow Yuuri was dreading whatever he would have to deal with after all that small chirp lacing with Phichit’s voice was definitely a synonym of trouble. “Oh hi! You  _ are  _ awake then!” 

“What is it?” he rasped and he groaned inside because, surely, he hadn’t got the most profound dream in his life since he was fourteen – that nap wasn’t even that comfortable.

“Oh hi, Yuuri!” 

_ What the fuck. _

“Christophe said that you were his neighbour so I just brought your scarf and wanted to know if you really needed my help!” Victor was almost as bubbly and hyped as Phichit and he wondered why was this all happening to him. “Want to get some coffee?” Yuuri looked from Phichit to Victor and again to his best friend before freezing there in the moment, realising what Victor had just asked. 

“I was sleepy,” was the only thing he could say.

“Indeed, you were.” 

“You don’t have to help me? I think?” Yuuri didn’t know what to think, there was Victor Nikiforov of all people telling him that he could help him. “I don’t even know what that was, and Phichit said he would help me you don’t have to waste-

“Actually no, I’m working on my own piece, so I can’t anymore.”  His best friend then winked at them and turned around. “Yuuri should be back before six or he’ll pass out and Celestino needs him early tomorrow, have fun!”

“Okay!” Victor smiled at Phichit’s back then directed his smile to Yuuri. “Shall we go then?” 

“I’ll… go change…” 

**January 24** **th** **, 2006**

“Yuuri,” Victor wasn’t looking at him, and that hurt. The way his gorgeous blue irises were trembling, his lip caught between his teeth before letting out a heavy sigh, indicated that he was about to tell him something personal. 

“I’m…” he started but stopped when he saw Yuuri directly in the eyes. “I’m leaving, I’m… going to, another place, I guess.” Yuuri blinked, once, twice, it never stopped. The words repeating on and on inside his head as he tried to understand them.

It shouldn’t have shocked him, really, after all this were dreams – and like everything in life – it ended. Victor had complained about them ending many times and he didn’t pay attention when he had to. Dreams were more and more distance from the reality of the world. Little stars were on Victor’s long hair, like glitter, and he shined more and more. Victor danced more and more. Victor smiles were bright even though they were fake, more and… more. 

“I’ll miss you.” 

It was simple. So soft he believed he probably didn’t say them out loud. Yes, Yuuri would miss Victor because he was everything he dreamed of, everything he thought of – just simply everything. And as complicated and twisted as the thought was, he could and should probably call that feeling love. Even if he had told himself not to, even if he had tried to just admire Victor, even if he had tried not to love every bit of Victor. Yes,  _ god yes, _ he loved Victor. He loved Victor and his soft laugh in the library when he reads his favourite book. He loved Victor and the way he tucked his hair behind his ear, or the way his eyes sparkled at a new painting.

_ Love  _ was something he couldn’t quite understand, but if love meant to love every single weird comment Victor made, to have the need to try and solve even the pettiest argument. He would, yes, he would give everything to love Victor; and with that accepted in his mind and heart, he would miss Victor. 

Yuuri didn’t expect the gasp coming from Victor, nor did he expect the tight hug that followed. 

Yuuri didn’t expect the sob that ripped through his lungs nor the desperate promise of a next time Victor asked for. 

Yuuri was only fourteen but he loved, he loved with every piece of his shattered heart. He hated it. 

 

**January 9** **th** **, 2017**

“So!” Victor started as they walked to the café they met a few days ago, “since when do you play music?” 

“Since I was ten, I think.” Victor hummed, interested and waiting for more, Yuuri could try talking a bit more. “I started playing the piano… I took ballet classes and fell in love with it.” Timidly and slowly he let himself have some fresh air in his lungs as he waited for Victor to continue the conversation or check if he wanted to learn even more. 

“Oh, so you still dance?” Victor’s surprise was evident in both his tone and the little sparkle and widening of his eyes. 

“As a hobby, yes, I guess.” 

“I dance ballet too!” Victor’s smile change into a heart-shaped smile and Yuuri knew a bit more than he would accept. “My family wanted me to be the premier danseur, in the school I was in, but… you know, people change and I wanted more… in life. To tell a story differently, I guess.” 

“That’s nice.” Hummed Yuuri. 

They silently walked in the busy streets. It was funny, for Yuuri at least, to feel so comfortable and silent in a street with busy lives. Victor, in fact, is probably one of them. The man was more intelligent than he let people see, and he knew that because, if he wasn’t, Victor wouldn’t have been the very first place in college. For five consecutive years. A GPA that, definitely, broke some record and the creativity of a child with a travelling experience to be jealous of, Victor Nikiforov was a still a mystery man for Yuuri and he had stupidly said yes to drink coffee with him. 

_ Great.  _

“Tell me more about yourself Yuuri!” Victor chuckled. “If we are going to work in this together we might as well know each other, right?” Yuuri didn’t even tell explicitly and sober that Victor was indeed going to help. He didn’t know if he could actually ask that from the man and he was feeling slightly, if not completely, guilty from snatching him away from his writing. 

“Um-

“You said you had to write something about love? Or something?” Victor looked up to the sky and shivered as a freezing wind passed by them. “Tell me about your love life? Maybe we can make it about that!” 

“I don’t think-

“Then about mine!” Victor opened the door to the café and looked at the menu while starting a ramble about some ex Yuuri didn’t want to know about. Personal stuff could stay, redundantly, personal. 

“Uh yeah, we haven’t even- what are we going- I mean what have you- What do you plan to do?” Yuuri asked for his usual and so did Victor. His eyes roamed around the store for a place they could sit. 

“Well you said you needed help because you wanted someone to play the violin and help you while you played the piano and I quote, you “hate music programs and apps that make the whole creating process a lot more tedious.” Or so. Plus! You inspired me to keep writing, all I’ve done so far is editing and deleting parts of my story… so, win-win?”Or so.”

“ _ I  _ inspired  _ you. _ ” Yuuri’s eyes widened in disbelief, blinking as they walked to the empty table.

“Yeah, why is it so hard to believe that?”

“Because I’m not really someone to inspire something in others…? I guess…?” He played with his fingers anxiously waiting for an agreement. 

“Well, I got inspired by you.” 

“Okay so let’s say you did, what should I do to kind of, you know, pay you back for your help?” 

“oh I don’t really know, we can hang out from time to time.”

Yuuri incredulously looked at Victor and sighed. What kind of person was Victor? Going for unexpected and just letting life surprise him with everything that could hit him. So, he explained as their order was served. He explained every little detail, from the very first thought to the very last, because this is what he does for a living and Victor was going to help, yes, just because he hates music programmes, as much as he uses them. 

It took them some time to warm up to the idea that he had been able to do most of it by now. Months earlier but he needed something more and he couldn’t quite see what that was. “Maybe there’s more than just one kind of love in your life?” Victor suggested as he sipped on his coffee. “There’s a lot more ways than just the romantic way of looking at love.” 

Victor was right, but Yuuri was ashamed of not knowing exactly what in love meant. He had felt it once but he barely remembers what had happened with whoever that was and he keeps reminding himself that. No matter how hard he thought about it, no matter how hard he tried to “just feel it” he couldn’t just explain it. 

Composing about himself was even harder when Yuuri didn’t even knew or actually loved himself. He knew how much of a pain he was, he was stubborn and he asked too much. That’s not even exactly pointing to the direction of what love was. Victor, on the other hand, could help him through that and that’s when Yuuri regrets not paying attention to what he said about his love life. 

“When can we start?” Victor suggested. 

Yuuri wondered, what exactly they should do. “Um, maybe I’ll send you the whole thing, later- because you know,” he let out a nervous laugh, breathy and not real at all. “You know, I should show it to you first.”

“You did.” Victor reminds him, iffy. Yuuri’s blush was showing even more, like Christmas lights. Exactly. 

“You- You’re right.” Victor chuckled and took out his phone. “Please don’t-” 

“I was going to share headphones with you.” Yuuri looked at him with a deadpan expression on his face. The music in the cafe was supposed to be calming and for the environment of the place. It was too loud, the Spotify adds interrupting the supposedly calm place every now and then. “I have a splitter.” He took it out and Yuuri wanted to slap himself. 

“Oh, that’s nice.” 

“I share headphones with my adorable little brother.” He explains as he takes out his headphones. Yuuri takes out his own, trying to disentangle them. They were new and he would have obsessively used the small box they came in, but he had stressed over trying to make them look perfect. So he threw it away before he started again. 

“You have a little brother?” Yuuri couldn’t catch his words before they were out. He was curious, yes, but he couldn’t help feeling fond as if he already knew who that little brother was. He didn’t. Hell, he didn’t even know Victor that much. But he felt like he did. Maybe they’ve met before. After all, Victor was a wonder that needed to be discovered by the craving feeling of knowing Victor that Yuuri had. 

Victor talked about his brother. How his little brother was like a kitten, that he had stayed in Russia to grow up next to his father and grandfather. Plus he believes his brother might be pining for his best friend so Victor is waiting for his brother to come to Detroit this year. “He get’s mad like an angry kitten! But he knows I know he loves me.” 

Yuuri laughed, enjoying himself and the time he spends with Victor. “Ok so let’s listen to it?” 

The whole piece starts and it’s slow, as calm as what the cafe wants. It’s almost angelic and he feels rather confident about it. Before looking at Victor.

Victor had a satisfied, yet critical look on his face. Something about it let Yuuri know that he was enjoying what he had produced but not like Yuuri’s high expectations made him think he would. He didn’t want to let Victor know how his breath hitched in panic as it took over him, nagging and inconsistent with its arguments about how “if Victor hates it, probably everyone will too.” 

“I really like this,” Victor said after they finished listening. Which calmed Yuuri’s nerves. “But maybe it can go faster? This is… pure love isn’t it?” Yuuri nodded. How did Victor catch the topic so easily was out of his mind and he just wanted to jump straight to the part where Victor would say something so heartbreaking this whole plan to help each other out would be cut from the start. 

“If it goes with a faster rhythm,” Victor hummed as he thought what it’ll be like. “Maybe we can add different instruments, more strings,” Victor recommend. Yuuri’s mind exploded with the simple recommendation. Of course, he - the musician - couldn’t do such simple arrangement. Of course, he would go with something predictable and simple. “The change would make it unpredictable. A surprise to the audience. Passionate love and impulsive love. Have you ever felt driven by it? The way love intoxicates you but also purifies you with need and longing. The feeling that tells you that you need to touch that someone at least one more time.” Victor dreamily looked to Yuuri. “Experience and risks, that’s what love might be.” 

Yuuri nodded. He had to learn what that meant. He had to risk things and get out of his comfort zone. He wouldn’t mind doing that. Not after what Victor just said.

 

**January 24** **th** **, 2017**

For reasons Yuuri can’t even start to explain to himself he started meeting with Victor almost daily – actually, they did meet daily, all day, every week for the last two weeks – at the beginning, he was forced by Victor.  _ Forced  _ sounds like he was dragged out of bed by Victor and he kind of did exactly that. Some mornings Phichit would open him the door and they would chirp like early birds and shared some coffee. That was even before his first alarm. 

How early could they wake up was something he could never understand. He could barely open his heavy eyelids by 7 am and he needed at least half an hour to actually wake up. 

After that though, Yuuri would get ready embarrassed and as fast as he could while Victor  _ chirped like a fucking early bird _ “Don’t worry Yuuri I’m not that busy!” but Yuuri knew he was busy because Victor would insist on going to practice in their old college campus. 

They would take the long ride there so Victor could go to class. 

Ah yes, Yuuri learned that Victor was a Teaching Assistant in classic theatre and just plainly loved to mock his student. He knew because Victor liked to talk and be heard. Truly heard. Yuuri would throw in a comment or two and they will talk like they were long-time friends and there was some familiarity about Victor that Yuuri couldn’t understand or explain. Even when they were silent they were comfortable and Yuuri knows that he had accepted Victor quite easily. But there was something that Victor had that Yuuri wanted, there was something that Victor radiated that Yuuri would like to know.

What’s inside of him?

What is he thinking about? 

_ Who he really is? _

“wow!” Victor exclaimed once Yuuri let him in one of the practice rooms Yuuri had insisted on going that Saturday night. Victor had something to do in the morning and so did Yuuri, he doesn’t know why, he truly didn’t know why, but his heart sank when he knew he wouldn’t see Victor until night.

The room was small, just for piano practices and had a small window that let you look over Detroit from the 15 th floor. The white walls and grey wall cushions reminded Yuuri of how peaceful was his childhood in Hasetsu and he let out a small sigh. 

“I love to practice here.” He whispers and blushes because the room is small enough for Victor to listen to this. 

“I can see why!” Victor’s smile is again genuine and Yuuri finds it scary all over again how he can easily identify the slight changes so fast. He’s not good at reading people, yet Victor was… easy. Victor walks to the window as Yuuri checks the piano and adjust to the bench. “this is a beautiful place, Yuuri.” 

“Yeah, it’s relaxing.” He plays a few notes and nods. Thanks, Leo. 

“Show me what you have so far? The new addition?” 

They had been working on Yuuri’s piece for two weeks and they’ve done great improvements, but it wasn’t done and the process had turned too slow and he was starting to hate what he had been doing. 

So he changed it. 

All of it. 

Since the very start. All over again. Thinking about winter in Hasetsu. Winter in Detroit. Winter as a child in a huge library. A giant Vicchan and his ghost of a friend he  _ can’t remember _ . 

Yuuri’s eye widened. It has just dawned on him that he has never  _ ever  _ in his life showed someone his own creations but Victor. He had never actually thought of creating but just enjoying the music. Of course, being recognised is great, but he’s nothing special, not even his creations. He doesn’t want Victor to see that, how he fails, how he can’t follow the notes and how his hands shake when he’s too anxious with the fact that there are people watching him. “Yuuri?” 

“Um… it’s… it’s not done?” 

“I know, but I would like to listen to what you have?” 

Yuuri swallowed. He had to try, he had to. There was nothing to lose and he needed the help. So, he started. The soft melody was the only sound in the room and Yuuri eyed at Victor for a second to see him with his eyes closed. “That’s all.” He breathed out, trying not to wake up Victor from the almost bliss he looked in. 

“Hmm, it’s beautiful, it has potential.” 

“When did you learn music huh?” Yuuri raised his brow and tried not to let his blush noticeable. He was asking jokingly, just playfully opening himself to let Victor in. He didn’t expect the serious, sad response. He was just trying to meet this new friend, Victor the prodigy should go to be just Victor. Just Victor. 

“School, Yuuri, there’s so many things I learnt back in Russia.” He hummed as he looked to the ceiling. “St. Petersburg has as much magic as Hasetsu, and I loved staring at the stars on Christmas and I loved skating on frozen lakes and dancing ballet until my legs couldn’t handle it.” 

“Why did you come here?”

Victor hesitates as if he were looking for an answer. “If you mind me asking,” Yuuri adds.

“I had to go, I guess, I wanted something new and grabbed the first opportunity I could.” Victor’s smile is nostalgic and it hurts Yuuri too much. He knows what that feels like. He’s also homesick but he knew what he wanted. Hasetsu couldn’t provide that. 

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah, this is a lovely place,” Victor said looking around. 

“No, I meant, in Detroit.”

“Yes of course!” He added a dead smile he didn’t know Yuuri noticed. Yuuri was not a fool. So he stared silently and let Victor open up too.

“So you’re sure you are okay here? You wouldn’t want to go back?” Victor nodded, hesitating but nodded nonetheless. “I would like to go back to Hasetsu.” 

“Detroit is warmer than Russia.” Victor joked and he didn’t look at Yuuri, he just played with a few keys. 

“That’s it. Come with me.”

Yuuri didn’t know where that need came from but he had to show the wonders that is Minami’s parent’s diner. Yuuri then pushed Victor up, and with determination plastered all over his face he took the lead for the very first time ever and run out of the building guiding Victor by the arm. Victor had been living there more time than he had, but the way he looked at the streets and parks seemed like he admired them for the first time. 

Victor was right, they had to know at least a bit of each other to get this done. 

“Where are we going?” 

“My favourite spot.” Yuuri blushed, but still tried to comfort Victor with a small imperceptive smile. “If you want we can go back though?” 

“It’s okay,” Victor nods. “I’d like to know where that is.” 

There’s a reason Phichit and Yuuri visited  _ Lohengrin _ constantly. While Phichit’s emergency kit for homesickness was literally calling his parents and spend hours on skype and just reading and talking in Thai; Yuuri’s way of dealing with homesickness was eating his favourite and loved katsudon. They had spent so much time trying to get just the  _ right one,  _ but they still didn’t get why it didn’t taste like his mother’s – or a regular Japanese katsudon – and they couldn’t spend more money on food.

One night though, Yuuri had a rough day, he failed his exam, a professor said he might as well change his career plan and he missed the comfort of his family so much. Phichit decided that Yuuri needed a distraction. So they went out for a walk until it was almost midnight and Yuuri was too gloomy to actually focus on whatever his best friend was saying, “Yuuri,” Phichit said softly on their way back home. “Yuuri, are you hungry?” 

Yuuri shook his head. He felt his anxiety whisper in his ear, how he was such a waste of time and he was so tired of listening to his own thoughts he looked at Phichit, about to mention how they should just go home without any stops when the worried look in Phichit’s eyes broke him. Yeah, a bothersome waste of time. So Phichit took him to the first diner that he found open and sat him there, hug him and tried to comfort him as Yuuri calmed down. 

“what can I- oh can I do something for you?” A woman was looking at them with worry. Yuuri felt a bit of comfort at the warmth in her voice and the slight familiar accent he couldn’t quite get.

“Um, don’t worry ma’am.”

She nodded and left but came back a few seconds later. “Do you mind me asking, boy, what’s your favourite food? Whatever it is?”

“my mother’s katsudon, it’s a-

“Pork cutlet bowl! Will be back!” The woman smiled at them and winked at Yuuri as if they had a shared secret. They had, indeed. The second a perfectly made katsudon arrived – the best after his mother’s katsudon in his own little ranking – he felt like he was back in Hasetsu, warm and loved, everyone going at their own pace and respecting his dreams and cheering him on to follow them. 

“Thank you.” He said softly after his first bite and Phichit ordered one too. 

They came back the following week, and the following, and it became like a second home to them. They met Minami, a wild, wide eyed, loud teen who added a bit of life to everything in the room and turned physics interesting if he talked about it. They studied there, they read there, they had hangover mornings there and they grew closer to the family. Enough to let their second mother cook them whatever they wanted even if it was out of the menu. Enough for her to spoil them as if they were their kids. 

Enough to make Yuuri feel at home.

“Good evening!” Yuuri said opening the door and not even a second later Minami was in front of him and Victor with the hugest smile and his energy ready to help them. “Hi, Minami.” 

“Hi Yuuri! Get a sit!” he let them in and followed them to Yuuri’s regular place. “Your usual?” 

“Yeah, two of them.”

Victor looked curious, shifting from one place to the other on his seat. “What’s your usual here?” he asked. 

“Uh, pork cutlet bowls, my childhood’s favourite.” 

“Oh?” 

 

**July 28** **th** **, 2005**

“My mama did Borsht today!” Victor whispered from his sit in front of Yuuri. “It’s been so long since she wanted to do it!” 

_ Shh. _

“My mom said we would have katsudon tonight!”

_ Shh! _

“Katsudon?”

_ Shh!! _

“Pork cutlet bowl, you’ve never tried it?” He gasped and there was someone trying to silence them again. “Can we go out?” 

“Sure.” Victor closed his book and stood up as noisily as he could and openly said, “Let’s get going Yuuri, they don’t get it.” Yuuri giggled because this was a regular thing. They always did this when they left the library and after saying bye to his favourite librarian they would run to St. Petersburg port to the small ice cream shop near the seaside. 

“What’s Katsudon again?” Victor questioned once they found a small park, sitting on a bench with Makkachin begging and scratching their legs lightly asking for some ice cream. “No, Makkachin, I got you one.” 

Yes, Victor had bought Makkachin an ice cream cone. Which the poodle finished on the way to the park. It was summer but it was still cold for Yuuri. The park was considerably cosy, calm and plainly beautiful. 

“It’s pork cutlet bowls,” Yuuri licked his ice cream before adding, “fried pork mixed with egg and a bowl with rice and eggs… I don’t really know how to prepare it but that’s mostly it.” He had a strawberry ice cream, he would usually pick the mint with chocolate chips ice cream but he wanted to change, maybe for this time. 

“That sounds delicious.” Victor sighs, as if he would love to try, so Yuuri offered. 

“Maybe I can, I can try cooking it for you? Someday?” Victor nodded eagerly and mumbled some “please!” around the ice cream he was trying to fit in his mouth. Yuuri had noticed that Victor loved Vanilla ice cream. 

He loved it so much he once ate it too eagerly and popped it inside his mouth. 

Yuuri had to calm him down as his brain froze and his mouth went numb. 

“Calm down Victor!” laughed Yuuri. 

“When I get older, I’ll buy so much ice cream I’ll buy a refrigerator only for it.” Yuuri laughed again. “And you can totally move in with me! We can cook katsudon! And we can watch all the movies and play the piano all day! And dance! You have to dance with me Yuuri!” said Victor finishing his ice cream. 

“I would like that.” Yuuri blushed furiously and finished his ice cream in hopes for his redness to dissipate. 

“Oh! we can dance here!” Yuuri yelped, “You wouldn’t want that?” Victor looked so sad after thinking that Yuuri wouldn’t want to dance with him that Yuuri had to prepare himself for whatever kind of dance Victor would like to do with him. 

“There’s no music?” Yuuri was embarrassed, he might have danced in a recital before and it was a beautiful feeling. He wouldn’t do it with Victor. If everyone said that Yuuri was a great dancer then Victor was some kind of god that could everyone look like a fool dancing. Grace. Feelings. Everything softly engraved in practiced, beautiful moves. 

“There’s always music Yuuri, every moment is music.” Victor gave a small twirl and laughed. “C’mon Yuuri!” 

So Yuuri stood up and followed Victor’s rhythm in front of the bench, grabbed his hand as they slowly waltzed around. When moments like this happened Yuuri felt special. When Victor’s eyes were on him and only him, when all Victor focused on was him, he loved it. He loved the feeling of Victor’s gaze in his and the strong thumping of his heartbeat as they went around. 

This is what Yuuri wished he could create. 

Music. 

Create music to never forget, to never ever forget how much he wanted Victor’s eyes on him. To never forget how much he adored him. To never forget this feeling. He would love to, someday, write a piece on his piano about love. 

It would be about Victor and the way he was still a child at his age. 

It would be about Victor and the smiles he gives. 

It would be about Victor. 

So he never forgets about that feeling. 

So he never forgets about his first love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm alive, busy af but alive!   
> I'm a law student and it's my first year (yay!) so I'm getting used to it and the overwhelming amount of books and cases I have to read. Sorry, this has just made me delay a lot more than I wanted the update. What's worse is I don't think I 100% like this filler chapter but well... I promise next chapter will be better!   
> Adjusting this to my schedule tho! I might update every 2 or 3 weeks if I'm doing alright and have enough time haha 
> 
> See you next time! Unless you wanna talk about this! leave a comment or send me a tweet or DM I'm @TalkingtotheSea !  
> THANKS FOR READING (´♡`)ﾉ


	4. Took Him by the Hand, Said that I Just Want to Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s play twenty questions!” Victor said all of a sudden and Yuuri had already known not to question his friend’s decisions that night so he nodded. “Okay, you start.”
> 
> Yuuri’s mind went blank. Completely blank. He had so many questions about Victor but after Victor allowed him to he had no questions in his mind.

**January 24th, 2017**

“Holy- Yuuri, this is- is this heaven?” Yuuri chuckled and took a bite of his own katsudon as Victor kept moaning how good it was. “I didn’t even know pork could taste this good,” He took a large amount of food and stuffed it in his mouth.

“It’s good, yes.” Yuuri took a sip of his tea and looked out the window. It was getting darker and darker, if he wanted to go home they should go after they finish their dinner. He looked back and Victor was dreamily smiling at him. “Wha-What is it?”

“I’m just glad I met you Yuuri!” Victor took a sip from his water and sighed. “I wouldn’t have tried this god’s meal without you.” Yuuri laughed again, freely, not even caring about what Victor would think of his laugh. That was the purest thing to come out of Victor and it sounded so off character he had to laugh.

“Right,” He chuckled and tossed around his food for a while before eating it. He wasn’t exactly anxious or had something that prevented him from eating his favourite. He was too relaxed, too calm, too happy and he didn’t feel like rushing his own meal.

“My little brother would love this,” Victor mumbled.

“You _are_ really excited for him to come, right?” Victor nodded.

“He’s okay there though, he needs his grandpa.” Yuuri smiled at the warm feeling Victor’s soft voice made him feel. There are so many things he wants to know about Victor but there are many things he feels he already know. There are things he has already engraved in his mind and replays them unconsciously at night. “Do you have siblings, Yuuri?”

“I’ve got a sister, Mari.” He remembered everything he and Mari had gone through back at Hasetsu. They used to steal cookies from the kitchen where the cook would run with them to get them to understand that they were _not_ ready. They used to watch the stars together every Christmas, they would run and run until they gave up. They had the best relationship ever. “She’s in Hasetsu, works at my family’s onsen.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“An inn, with hot springs.” Victor’s curiosity glinted in his eyes and Yuuri had to, yet again, question how could he read that so easily. “I’ve lived there my whole life.”

“Must’ve been nice!” Yuuri nodded in agreement. It was nice, now that he thinks about it. It’s comforting and the first place he would love to run to when scared. _Lucky for them, he’s still stuck in Detroit._ “St. Petersburg is lovely too! Next time I go visit my family you should join me!”

Yuuri laughed nervously, yeah maybe not.

Surprisingly, he knew a lot about St. Petersburg. When he was little he loved to read about Hasetsu’s dark nights and everything about the city many _many_ kilometres away. Maybe that’s how he knows. “Thank you for this!” Victor had finished his Katsudon and was sipping on his water.

“We should head ho-

“What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever wanted to do?” Yuuri startled by the sudden excitement glinting in Victor’s eyes. He looked at the clock on the far end of the diner. It was late, he wanted to lay down and just smile and sleep and rest. But he wanted to spend more time with Victor too. “Quick Yuuri!”

“I- I uh I don’t know? My life, it's not exactly wild? I’ve never considered,” he said too fast, rushing to answer the overexcited man in front of him.

“C’mon Yuuri, one wild thing. Something, you must’ve wanted to do something?”

“I’ve never? I’ve never gone shopping while drunk...?” He winced at Victor’s reaction. Lips uncurled and formed a flat line, blue eyes screaming “are you damn serious Yuuri, that’s not wild” but still glinting.

“Okay, let’s go get drunk.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Because…” Yuuri didn’t have an excuse, he wouldn’t even if this could save his life. “I don’t know?”

“See! You need to! It’s on me!” So, Victor basically ordered the bill, paid for dinner and dragged him out running to the nearest convenience store. 5 minutes running, he needed exercise. Victor grabbed two six packs of canned vodka and looked like an excited puppy waiting for his turn at the checkout counter. “This is horrible, I mean it tastes nice and soft but it’s nothing like real vodka.”

“Then why?”

“Because it’s the fastest thing I could think of and it’ll work.”

He paid for them and opened one handing it to Yuuri. Why he actually drank it, after swearing he wouldn’t just twenty-four days ago, is out of his rational mind. He guesses Victor’s giddy excitement was contagious and there was something fun in whatever Victor was planning.

“Let’s play twenty questions!” Victor said all of a sudden and Yuuri had already known not to question his friend’s decisions that night so he nodded. “Okay, you start.”

Yuuri’s mind went blank. Completely blank. He had so many questions about Victor but after Victor allowed him to he had no questions in his mind.

“What’s um your favourite food?” Victor groaned, but still buzzing with excitement, he transformed the groan into a chuckle.

“Yuuri,” he started. “It’s Borscht, beet soup with meat basically, though it has many variations!”

“Sounds good.” Yuuri hummed.

“Most awkward situation?”

They entered a park and looked around for some silence and Yuuri wrecked his mind to look for the most awkward situation he’s ever been in.

“I walked in on my best friend hooking up with this… classmate I thought he didn’t like. Yeah well turns out he does.” Victor erupted in laughter, holding his stomach and doubling over trying not to fall in laughter. “Oh yes, go laugh. It’s really funny.”

“It really is!” Victor forced out between breaths. It was agonisingly embarrassing already to remember that he saw Phichit in such... situation. He doesn’t even want to remember it at the moment.

“Okay, come back, most embarrassing situation?”

Victor giggled and looked around, Yuuri guessed, for a garbage bin. It was as if he could read his mind and as much scary as it was, it was also nice, warm, like he knew Victor since forever. _Soulmates_ crossed his mind but he truly didn’t believe in them so that wasn’t an option. He just felt that tugging feeling in his chest whenever Victor directed his eyes only to him. A needy, embarrassing feeling of needing to find what makes him want to be with him all the time. What makes him think of Victor all the time?

Oh.

_Oh, he’s screwed._

_It only took him two weeks to…_

“Before I entered college, I was visiting my best friend, in Switzerland, with my mother and step-father. I had a really long hair, it was around my waist I think…” He touches his back around his waist, showing Yuuri how long his hair used to be. “Yeah, this long, and we had this fancy dinner? I think we were getting ready and YouTube tutorials were starting to show up. I decided to try it.”

“Oh no.” Yuuri snickers taking the last sip from his can.

“Oh yes.”

“I had this curler right? And I was really good at using it! I just was distracted by my best friend chatting with me and left it on my hair for too long…”

“You burnt it.” Yuuri laughs freely again, letting it fly there without embarrassment, the comfortable feeling was too much to let his blush go lighting up his face.

 _Alcohol_ , he guesses.

“I did, yeah, it fell.”

 

_I’ll never cut my hair! – Victor had said._

The feeling of deja vu made his laughter dissipate and his stomach flutter. He remembers faintly the childhood friend he thought he had forgotten completely and he stared at Victor as the other grabbed yet another can from the bag. It couldn’t even be true, to start with. His childhood best friend, his first love, his first crush, his dreamland boy was not real and he…

_Dreamland boy._

_He, Yuuri, remembers for brief seconds that there **was** a dreamland boy… _

“I had half the left side of my hair burnt and short the whole dinner and my mother couldn’t even stop laughing, she barely ate!” Yuuri laughed again, forgetting about his stupid memory. There was no way, whoever was his hallucination, existed.

“I would laugh too!”

“I’m hurt Yuuri!” he feigned like he was about to die before taking a long gulp from his can. “Okay, so best thing that’s ever happened to you?”

“I think… playing in Detroit’s Orchestra? It’s a wonderful opportunity and being given a piano solo, which is something I usually don’t do… is great?”

Victor nodded as if he were proud of Yuuri’s small achievement.

“Favourite book?”

Victor winced and sighed heavily, “that one’s hard.” Yuuri nodded and took some sips from the new can he was taking from the bag in Victor’s hand, leaving the other empty can in a bin. “I don’t really know… I really like romances, difficult love where the character can’t be with their soulmates but tries anyway.”

“You believe in soulmates?”

“Is this part of the twenty questions?”

“Not sure.”

“I do, Yuuri, it’s a beautiful concept.”

“But didn’t you say you didn’t believe in love?”

“I might consider changing my mind.”

Victor looked down at him with the warmest look he has ever give to Yuuri and it doesn’t make him blush from his boldness. No, it’s more like his heart is hammering because he kind of knows what Victor meant.

 

_Life and love, don’t you think we need that, Yuuri?_

 

He was back to his crazy days in which he considered being psycho and was scared of his own dreams. Yet, he knew he wasn’t exactly scared, but the opposite, he wanted to be with his dreams’ imagination. He remembers longing for it. Remembers remembering the boy. Now though, he can’t do much about it.

 

_If I love someone like that, I hope the stars love me and my partner as much._

“Next question!” Victor chirped, “most awkward sex?”

Yuuri winced, took a long gulp and let it all out. “It was my first time bottoming.”

“Ooh!”

“Right? And I wanted to feel as less pain as I could.”

“Of course.”

“And I don’t know, I don’t really like putting my hopes up for romance, so it was definitely a hookup.”

“Fuck.”

“Yes, and I told him not to worry that I knew how that went.” Yuuri sighed. “I didn’t.”

Victor laughed against his can, “oh dear.”

“Yeah, so I cried, because of the pain and I thought was ripped open – I wasn’t – and I had to call my best friend to pick me up because this guy was also crying about how he was so close to doing it?” Yuuri chuckled, he doesn’t remember, how he got that far but he had. It hadn’t been worth it. Not at all, not even in the slightest.

“Poor Yuuri!”

“Weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?”

“a gas station.”

“Holy shit.”

“I was out with my friend for spring break and this guy was drinking with us in a party, so I said hi and I don’t even remember it was too fast and yeah.”

Yuuri kept listening to whatever Victor said. He wold listen to the weirdest, wildest things that Victor had ever done and in return, he would tell the most embarrassing stories only Phichit knows because he was there. He couldn't seem to stop talking for someone so reserved and he blames it again on the alcohol. But Yuuri knows better and he knows that if he were sober he would comfortably talk about the shit that happened in his life if he was asked to do so by Victor.

He’s so screwed but he doesn’t even mind.

“Best Childhood memory.”

By this point they are not even counting, Yuuri couldn’t care less, he was comfortably walking aimlessly around the park. There are fewer people which meant that it’s probably a lot later than what he expected. Fog is starting all over again and the white park is starting to get colder and colder.

“the library that was on my way home.”

“That’s a place.” Yuuri clarifies.

“Ah, I guess every moment I spent there with someone.”

Yuuri giggled, tipsiness mischievously wanting to tease Victor. “Your very first love?”

“You could say that.” Victor said too deeply, as if it hurt, as if a childhood first love could be so serious. Victor then looked at him and smiled, eyes hurt but still looking as if Yuuri was truly special for him. “We should head back to the studio, left my car there.”

“Right.”

“Favourite song?”

Yuuri’s tensed back relaxed, he was starting to think that his tipsiness was destroying everything like it always did. “You already know.”

“Right! Let’s listen to it!” They used the splitter and silently walked back to the studio, where the practice room was, listening to the tenor plead for his lover. It was a strange feeling, how Yuuri felt around Victor. Victor could relax him in seconds, could understand him in the most bizarre way he has ever seen. Victor always seemed to meet him where he was.

“This is my sister’s favourite song.”

The piano was softly playing in the background as the singer told a story about the stars, about how they shine and love. Love as a whole and love as the person you love. Love as in giving up everything for the other’s happiness. Love as in the purest thing to ever exist. Love as in what he wanted to believe was growing in his chest every time he looked up at Victor and smiled and let his eyes wonder a bit too much on his smile and how he just knows what the other thinks.

It was fast sudden and too much.

But he felt like he had done this before, like he had loved Victor in his past lives.

 

_I love him, I love him so much I can’t take it anymore. Why can’t I see him outside of my dreams?_

 

“Do you miss your family?”

“Yeah, who doesn’t, but I guess it’s part of growing up.” Victor hummed and nodded pleased with Yuuri’s answer. “Embarrassing date?”

Victor groaned and blushed as he seemed to remember one in particular.

“Well this one time I went out on a blind date with my High School’s History teacher when she was visiting around here.” He shuddered. “I don’t know how we both end up on a date, but hey it happens.” Yuuri laughed. “Don’t laugh!”

“Holy- You like this?” Yuuri pointed to the earphones, “because I love this song.” The warmth resting on his cheeks had to be the alcohol, there was no other way it could be of embarrassment.

“Yeah, you could say that, my taste in music is very variated.”

“Please let me listen to all of your playlist.”

For anyone, this was something simple. Just a plain playlist that had their favourite music. For Yuuri it was part of who Victor was and he wanted to know it. Music made him understand people’s feelings – it made it easier. He loved to lose himself in the music, on the other’s feelings. In the way people reacted to certain song, to the way their favourite part of the song was about to start. Victor had agreed, with a simple nod, to give him a bit of himself.

“Want to dance with me?” Victor extended both his hands. When did they finished all the cans? Doesn’t matter.

“In the middle of the street? This song?” Yuuri said taking his hands nonetheless.

 

_Let’s dance, Yuuri!_

“Why not?” Victor twirled Yuuri around and kept walking, a bit difficult with the cords tangling bringing Yuuri closer.

“You’re right.” Yuuri giggled and let himself be swept by the music and the emotions running raw and wild inside of him. For the very first time in his life, Yuuri didn’t care if he bothered someone on his way through the streets. He didn’t mind what other people thought of them. Two tipsy men trying to have fun on their own. Two tipsy men trying to meet each other. Two tipsy men dancing and having the best time in their life.

They danced and twirled and laughed and babbled about their life.

How many people have you dated? None, three.

Favourite song? This one now, this whole playlist yes.

Favourite actor? Hugh Grant, fuck really?

Favourite actress? Easy! Keira Knightley duh, cute!

Best day of your life? When I was a kid I won 5 litters of ice cream, really?!

Golden and white? No! blue and black my favourite colours, nice I like gold.

You like Beyoncé!? Well it’s in the playlist!

 

Victor huffed after laughing for a good five minutes about Yuuri’s story of how he stayed in the hospital for stepping on a ball instead of kick it in a football match. “I can’t stop imagining it!”

 

_Yuuri! That must’ve been so much fun to watch! I didn’t know you played?_

Someone in the streets with them gasped loudly and pointed to the sky. There were several shinning stars in the blue night and the sight was beautiful. Ethereal. He had never ever seen the sky like that before. Never so beautiful, never that enchanting, like magic and a bit more. It wasn’t even Christmas and not even in Christmas had he seen something so breath-taking. “It’s beautiful.”

Victor hummed next to him, looking at the sky too. “I guess it is.”

“It is, don’t guess it, it’s the truth.” Victor hummed again.

That’s when Yuuri saw it. A flash in the sky, a small, fast flash that he would have recognized mostly in his dreams. What he had always wanted to see. What he had pleaded when he was little, the connection between him and his dreamland friend. A shooting star, then another one and another one. “Quick Victor! Make a wish!” he had whispered and Victor had heard. Yuuri closed his eyes, asking for help, for everything to help him compose and reflect his feelings in his music.

He asked for Victor.

He asked for Victor the dreamland boy he had been so in love with.

Victor the guy who was next to h-

“That’s going to take a bit more than that, hm?” Victor mumbled to himself and let go of Yuuri’s hand which they didn’t know he was still holding. “What did you asked for Yuuri?”

“It’s a secret. You?”

“Secret too, then.”

“Victor!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I start rambling, please remember that Yuuri is an unreliable narrator ;)
> 
> I am alive!! again!! Sorry, I know that I said 3 weeks but my professors decided that I could do around 3 essays and 4 exams in 2 weeks haha. But here it is! I had to cut it here, I wanted to write a bit more but that would actually kill the magic of this little story. You might have noticed that this time there's no actual flashback to little Yuuri's dreams, well it's time to tell you that absolutely everything is connected (yes even John Green's book) and you'll see in later chapters why there are no flashbacks. 
> 
> Well! I have plotted a lot for next chapter and I'm still sorry that this turned out shorter than what I usually post sigh, so next time it'll be longer yay!!
> 
> For this chapter, I made Victor's phone playlist! check it out on Spotify, you can guess what they danced to, what they talked about and more: https://open.spotify.com/user/heystephen14/playlist/1QmVMrfcB1aZ36a2iCXEM3 
> 
> Thank you for your comments through the last 3 chapters! feel free to leave one or talk to me on Twitter ( @TalkingtotheSea ) Thank you for reading and I really hope you enjoy this (filler, I hate it but okay, needed) chapter!


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